“Defriended”–a musical ode to discreet civility on Facebook

Facebook is a wonderful social networking tool even if Mark Zuckerberg and the company are ruthlessly exploiting all of us, and trampling over our privacy, because we were dumb enough to sign our lives over to the company. All that aside, sometimes it’s a great way to keep in touch.

Sometimes, it's time to give our virtual friends a virtual kick in the ass and just say "Sayonara".

Sometimes, it’s time to give our virtual friends a virtual kick in the ass and just say “Sayonara”.

However, sometimes, it’s a great way to be annoyed by people we absolutely don’t get along with or people who are just simply assholes. (Of course, I’m exempting myself from ‘asshole’ because I’m capricious.) I rarely de-friend anyone because I believe in tolerance. I believe that when are friends are wrong that positive discourse can help them see things from a more enlightened angle. And also I’m just really lazy.

But now and then, de-friending does feel like a good detox. And because I had nothing better to do this afternoon, here is my ode to cutting off bad ties.

“Defriended”

An ode to Facebook civility by @jakeadelstein

*Please sing to the tune of “Reunited” by Peaches and Herb

♪I was a fool to ever take your side
Me minus you is such a wonderful ride
The breakup we had has made me peaceful and glad
I realise I dislike you
‘Cause your taste is bad hey hey♪

I spent the evening posting from Politico
I am so happy that I let you go
Our quarrel was such a way of learning a lot
I know now I don’t like you
No more rants about the 9/11 plot hey hey

Defriended you and it feels so great
Defriended cause I understand
That some friends are the pits
And my pal, you’re full of shit
Your whiny posts have ended
‘Cause you are defriended hey hey

I sat here reading your crap on my wall
Got offended when you insulted us all
I wish you could learn to be fair
About others opinions—
I like public health care hey hey

I can’t keep quiet, man, you must not stay
I hope you keep far away
As I reminisce about your “like my page” blitz
I’m glad we’re defriended
Cause I don’t miss your shit hey hey

(Chorus)

Old pal, I won’t miss your derision
And I absolutely won’t regret this decision
All of your scrawling
And all your name calling
There’s so much to dislike
sexist screeds are appalling hey hey

Defriended and it feels so great
I won’t see your posts full of hate
Finally it’s ended
‘Cause you’ve been defriended hey hey!

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3 thoughts on ““Defriended”–a musical ode to discreet civility on Facebook

    • Thank you for the Facebook invitation but, unfortunately, I will have to decline at this time. I cannot tell you how many times I have tried to deactivate my Facebook account just for someone else to decisively bring it back up again. If my profile is still active, then I can guarantee you that it is not myself who is managing it.

      Thanks for the good laugh, though. It was needed! 🙂 Keep up the good work!

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